Jul 11, 2016

Pistantrophobia


Last night, I had a conversation with my 9-year-old brother, it went like this:

Brother: Ate, may bugtong ako.
Me: Ano yun?
Brother: Anong mahalagang bagay na kapag nawala hindi mo na maibabalik?
Me: Ha? Halos lahat naman ng mahalagang bagay kapag nawala hindi mo na maibabalik.
Brother: Eh! Bugtong nga eh! Sagutin mo!
Me: *after thinking really hard I said* Tiwala.
Brother: Ang daya. Bakit mo alam.

The reason, my dear brother, is more complicated than that riddle.

It's too cliche to list down the trust quotes all over the internet. It's like sharing those relationship and love quotes you wish your emotions could refer to or throw into an argument but seriously, it all boils down to what you feel towards the situation. Kung mahal mo, mahal mo. Kung pag-ibig nga ba 'yang nadarama mo, it's only you who know. In the end, if you really want to retain your relationship and get back together, you have to check if there's still love.

But trust is different.

Love can be sweeter the second time around.
Trusting someone again is like taking in an unknown, bitter pill. You are aware of the taste of it but you are not sure of the effect.
It could heal you or it could kill you.

I remember the Study in Pink episode in Sherlock where Sherlock has to choose which pill is the poison pill and which is the empty pill. The cab driver, who knows which is which, will choose the one that Sherlock won't pick, and together, they will take their "medicine". Apparently, Sherlock has solved the suicide-turned-murder cases by interrogating the cab driver. Got what he wanted, Sherlock did not choose a pill and was about to go out when the cab driver teased him of being curious and outsmarting everyone, so that Sherlock will have that urge to choose.

If you're faced with a question, "should I trust this person again?". You don't have to choose. You can decide not to choose. You can just walk away and forget about it. Don't be tempted to trust a person just because you're in the same circle of friends or you share the same experiences. Even if they say you're still bitter or you can't "forgive and forget", it's still your decision. Don't ever think that your trust is something that should be given away to whoever wants or needs it. You can love everyone but you cannot just trust anyone. That's how important trust is.

I know some people won't even try to bring back the trust that is lost. Those people won't even try to reach out, or if they do, it's just on the surface. And believe me when I say, that these people DON'T REALLY CARE about having a long lasting relationship with you. Just a relationship on the surface, a label. Deep in your hearts you both know that your relationship doesn't have a strong foundation of love nor trust. A demolished foundation solved using a web of words.
As Taylor Swift says, "band aids don't fix bullet holes". And yes, they say sorry just for show.

Get what you want and leave. Don't linger. At least the cab driver teased Sherlock, but some just won't say a word when you leave. They could be happier, we don't know.

Close the door when you leave.

You might be the one wounded, but remember this; a sunflower with missing petals is just as broken.

Photo of a sunflower with missing petals from here .

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